Reflections from a tree - on personal growth
A tree doesn’t try to grow. It just grows. Just like a tree that lays down deeper roots, grows branches, and sprouts new leaves - our personal growth is inevitable when we are open and respond to the environment.
Our actions have a ripple effect
Like us, trees offer far more than we can see. We can see that trees provide shade, shelter, or act as a source of fun and food for animals and people. However, even though we can’t see it, we also know that they contribute a far greater benefit to our environment.
Trees clear the air, add oxygen and remove carbon from the atmosphere. They also help to maintain healthy soil and play an important role in the water cycle. Trees support and are supported by their environment.
Like the tree, our value is far deeper than it appears on the surface. Trees don’t need recognition for what they bring, they just bring it. As we grow and become more conscious of our value, the less we need to be acknowledged for it.
Awareness is the first step
It’s commonly accepted that awareness is the first step to change. However, what’s probably not discussed as much is how uncomfortable it can be in that first stage. It’s that moment when you move from ‘the ignorance is bliss’ phase to becoming aware of your blind-spot. And then the inevitable realisation that perhaps you may be contributing some way to the uncomfortable place you’re in. Ouch!
Even though you may feel that you’re going backwards, it’s quite possible that you’re making progress. Whenever a blind spot is revealed, it can be uncomfortable. It’s normal to feel vulnerable when you’re learning a new skill.
The Stages of Competence model was originally developed by Martin M. Broadwell back in 1969 and it sheds some light on the different stages of development. This model helps put the uncomfortable stage into perspective.
Broadwell’s model outlined 4 stages of competence.
Unconscious incompetence – you’re unaware that you don’t know.
Conscious incompetence – you’re aware that you don’t know (the uncomfortable phase).
Conscious competence – you are working on making the change (the focus phase).
Unconscious competence – you’re embodying the change and it comes naturally.
If we’re committed to growth, we need to step outside of our comfort zone. Just know that the uncomfortable phase will pass as you develop new skills….until the next lesson!
Growth is different for everyone
Like a tree, we never stop growing. So rather than focusing on getting to end of our learning it’s important to acknowledge our development.
Consider the different forms that growth might take and acknowledge the progress rather than fixating on where you’re at, how far to go, and how you might benefit. Trees grow roots; strengthen and lengthen their branches; and sprout new buds before leaves, flowers or fruit appear. The results of the trees’ growth come later – and the growth isn’t just for them – it’s to be shared.
Being more aware of the impact we’re making and bringing more focus to how we show up can have a positive impact in so many ways – not just for us, but for others too. Just being aware of this is a big step. Acknowledge when you see it. See how the length of time changes between reacting to something and re-settling. The speed of noticing this change will increase first. The behaviour change will come with time.
As you strengthen your ‘realising’ muscle, you will become less reactive and more responsive. With practice, you will begin responding more intuitively to what’s needed from moment to moment without the delay in processing. Rather than beating yourself up when you react to something, when you notice that your level of reactivity is not as extreme – or that you even notice that you’re reacting - acknowledge yourself for the positive shift. It’s important to celebrate the little wins along the way to give yourself a positive boost and make it feel worthwhile.
Our resources matter
When a tree is planted in poor conditions, it has a slower growth rate. When conditions are supportive, trees grow taller, stronger, and they become more supportive for others too. The same applies for our personal growth. It can accelerate when we have more resources and can slow down when our resources are not adequate. As we become stronger it doesn’t only benefit us. We are a stronger source of support for others too.
In the early days of becoming more aware of our impact, we can feel more sensitive. It’s easy to judge ourselves for this. However, this not a sign of weakness, it’s just a period of adjustment. It takes strength to embrace this level of sensitivity. As we continue to grow in awareness and become more sensitive to what’s going on around us, it’s important to take more care of ourselves. Although it might feel more challenging, this is growth and it’s a good thing!
Look for little ways to take more care of yourself - and continue to deepen that level of care. Show more consideration towards others if you notice they’re under-resourced. Notice how our level of resources impacts our reactivity. When we’re feeling reactive it’s not a bad thing. It’s just a sign that we’re starting to feel depleted. Double down on the self-care activities and see things shift. When we feel strong it’s easy to remain calm in stressful situations.
Boundaries and space support our growth
As you start to hold your standards higher, you will become clearer about what’s ok and what’s not. This is the responsibility stage. Setting appropriate boundaries allows the responsibility to fall on the appropriate shoulders. We do not have to do everything for everyone. We all have a role to play.
Trees need the right amount of space to flourish. If they are in a crowded space their growth will be stunted. We need space to flourish too. Appropriate boundaries give us space. They support our wellbeing and our relationships.
Boundaries also help us make healthy decisions. Like when to say ‘yes.’ We say ‘yes’ when it feels true for us to support and if we have capacity. And we say ‘no’ without guilt when we don’t! When we have mastered this, it means our ‘yes’ response has far more impact.
Sometimes in the shift to get back to true balance you might go too far in the opposite direction. We don’t want our boundaries to be too loose or too rigid. Firm boundaries are the key.
Look for how your standards can lift without imposing them on others. Everyone needs to be responsible for their own choices and the consequences of their choices. It’s not for us to judge others. All people come to realisations in their own time. The goal is to allow space for each person to take responsibility for their own choices. And to support people when they reach out and ask for help.
So, what can we learn from trees?
A tree doesn’t strive for growth by itself. It’s part of an eco-system – supporting and being supported by the environment. Start paying attention and notice the little signs of growth – not just in yourself but in others around you.
It can be hard to see these changes in yourself, so reach out to someone you trust that can help challenge and support you along the way.
And remember, none of us can do it alone. Just like the tree.
If you’d like some support let us know.